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Today my grandpa Charlie died.

But that isn't entirely right - that sounds too human, too final, too stony. I will try this again.

Today my grandpa Charlie went home. Today my grandpa Charlie was made complete, the hole that we all feel here on earth, the piece that is missing - the piece that causes the struggle and pain - that piece has been filled for my grandpa. He is now whole. My heart fills with emotion, not of sadness or grief for him but of the joy of knowing that he is in the actual presence of God.

The song I Can Only Imagine has always been meaningful to me because, unlike some, I do not fear my death. I long for the day I can be complete (in a not morbid way) and when I can go home and finally rest. This is the song:

I Can Only Imagine
I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever Forever worship You
I can only imagine

We here on this earth can only imagine, and right now, this very moment, this is in fact what my grandpa is doing. Standing in the Son. What triumph, what completion, what joy.

I will not attempt to rewrite what has already been written about life and death and the meaning of it all. So many have already done it far better than I ever could. Paul is one of those that I immediately thought of:

2 Timothy: 4:6For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. 7I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

Romans 8:The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. 17Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. 18I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. 20For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.


There is of course always those that are left behind when people we love go home. We continue on our journey because we have more to do before we are called. This is where I do not have all the answers for what to do, or how to make it easier. My hope and my comfort is in the promises that we have in Christ, for what our final point in our journey will bring us. God has made us humans able to withstand more than we ever think we are able, with His help of course. So the only thing I know to do then for those who are still awaiting the call home is to wait in and trust in God's ultimate desire to have us home with Him, and that He wants only the best for us, and that best is Him.

In every painful moment there are always slivers of hope, of good, of a gift. In this painful moment of my grandpa's death, God gave us many gifts. Amy and Glenn were able to visit two weeks ago and spend time with grandpa before he died, Jeff and I were able to see him on Sunday, my mom was still in California and has been able to be by my grandma's side this whole time, Charlie's daughter was in Livermore when it happened and thus able to be there immediately, my grandma had just placed him in a hospice care hospital - so she did not have to handle his death at home, and I am sure the list could go on. We received grace and mercy even in a moment of sadness. Death is an inevitability for all of us, but our passage and circumstances are not - I am grateful that both were gifts of God's mercy in this situation.

Another song I really like and of course has taken on new meaning:

Your Long Journey (Robert Plant and Allison Krauss)

God's given us years of happiness here
Now we must part
And as the angels come and call for you
The pains of grief tug at my heart

Oh my darling
My darling
My heart breaks as you take your long journey

Oh the days will be empty
The nights so long without you my love
And when God calls for you I'm left alone
But we will meet in heaven above

Oh my darling
My darling
My heart breaks as you take your long journey
Fond memories I'll keep of happy ways
That on earth we trod
And when I come we will walk hand in hand
As one in heaven in the family of God

Oh my darling
My darling
My heart breaks as you take your long journey


I will miss my grandpa, I love him, and I look forward to one day being reunited. Another gift from our loving God.