Clicking the Ignore Button

"I have plenty of common sense, I just choose to ignore it" - Calvin

Why do I identify with this statement so much? I read it and knew it was me to the core, and it was said by a made up 5 year old (but I adore Calvin and Hobbes though). My dad would always and forever be telling me to think before I act/speak. Well, let's just say I didn't learn that lesson until much much later in my life, and I really only learned it cause when I forgot to do so, it always bit me in the butt. I would go "ooooohhhhh, that's what my parents were talking about" It would of course be with stupid things like wiping something off of my razor - with my leg - which of course cut my leg. Or blurting out the first thing that came into my head - which has had many disastrous results over the years.

But that is stupid stuff, what happens when I ignore it about important stuff? And why in the world do I choose to ignore it? I really do live the definition of insanity sometimes "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" Maybe this time I can ignore what I know to be true, and still have things work out okay. Silly me, when will I learn? What if for the time being I want to ignore my common sense, and spin? What will happen then? Don't know, but is it bad to admit I am enjoying myself whilst ignoring it? Oopsies if it is! :)

Our Mexican Experience - long!

We arrived in Mexico on the first day, Sunday the 13th about 4 in the afternoon, which afforded us the ability to unpack, go and grab some dinner and just start to prepare ourselves for the week ahead. I can never stress enough how great the Calvary Chapel Training Center is for groups. They are always super clean, all of their rules makes sense (you would be surprised at some places crazy rules). This year they mixed up the food a bit, instead of just beans/eggs/tortillas for breakfast and beans/meat/tortillas for dinner, we had the usual for breakfast, but they definitely stepped up the dinner with things such as pasta, baked chicken, chicken wraps, etc. It was a nice change from the year before, which was great, but variety is nice.

Monday we headed out for our first day of ministry, and got all up to speed on where the Grace Children’s Home (their blog is in my list of blogs on the left) is at in terms of their construction projects, and their successes in achieving their vision. The vision of George and Stacey Palau (the couple that started and runs the home) is amazing. They have so much going on right now in their lives with the children’s home, they run a weekly Bible study for the neighborhood where they also pass out food bags, they are involved in their local church ministries, and the ongoing construction of their new building. And yet, they are also completely determined and focused on moving forward with their vision on building a senior citizen home, and an infant home, as well as creating a backup water and power system for the current home. The Mexican water/power system is unpredictable at best, and when they have 60 people to worry about, backups are a huge priority. They just amaze me in their ability to be completely engaged in their current projects, but to constantly be looking forward as well.

We were assigned a couple of manual labor projects, such as taking down and rebuilding a fence, leveling out a huge pile of dirt, and fixing a whole fleet of bikes that have been broken through use by 40 kids. :) The fences are really important, because down there if you don’t have a proper fence, anything and everything can and will be stolen. GCH had a neighbor who had about 6 cars stolen, including one that they cut in half and drove off with the front half in order to sell for scrap metal. So since GCH has so much construction going on, they are in possession of a lot of rebar, which is a hot commodity, so we set about fixing their fence first. So we split into two groups and one group worked on the fence, and the other joined the kids of the home and began to play.

We discovered one of the best ways of playing with kids, bring a dress up box!! It was an immense hit with the kids, they would spend over an hour just putting on different dresses, shoes, graduation gowns, helmets, badges, boas, and the list goes on. The boys of course figured out that if they wore a graduation gown unzipped and ran, they would billow out like capes. So we had about 6 caped crusaders running around at a time. The girls immediately put on the prom dresses, heels, and grabbed the fans and headed off to play pretend. And the little kids loved those little plastic high heels that cannot be comfortable, but kids always love. So each day we would pull out the dress up box in the morning, and then put it away when it was time for the first craft.

We did two crafts each day, and we spent a lot of time before the trip trying to figure out crafts that would not just simply junk up the home or the kids’ rooms. We wanted them to be fun to do but also useful so the kids made: tote bags (which they were able to use right away on our beach day), pillows with fleece pillow covers, wind chimes, they painted their own Frisbees, made frames, colored velvet treasure boxes, etc. I think they all went pretty well, and I believe several of us still have glitter somewhere on our person. Glitter just never goes away.

One of the biggest joys and testaments to the care and love put into GCH was the kids that were new there last year, and who had been scared, reserved, kept to themselves, didn’t speak to anyone – much less in English, who this year have really bloomed. They have become secure, they feel safe, and cared for, and you can tell, it is so readily apparent in the way they carry themselves not only among the other kids in the home, but with the visiting groups as well. And the leaps and bounds made in all of the kids abilities to speak English was amazing! Not only did it make it a lot easier on us of course, but also these kids will have such a greater opportunity in life if they are fluent in English, so this means a great great start for them at the children’s home.

Our youth also did a couple Bible lessons for the kids this year, which we had not done last year, so that made it fun just cause it was different. One of our youth, Michael, appeared as a shepherd looking for “Woolie” his lost sheep, and had the kids help him look, and then of course told the story of Jesus as our shepherd and how even though He has the 99, he still goes and finds the 1 missing. We also did the story of Jesus calming the seas in which the kids got to make storm noises and spray water on Jeff’s face as he was playing Jesus. And finally, we told the story of Jesus healing the blind man, and we blindfolded all of the kids and had them wander around “in the dark” for a few minutes (don’t worry, the environment was controlled, we didn’t just set them free. :) ) The kids seemed to remember the activities and the lessons connected to them…at least for the days we were there, who knows about the future?! Guess we will just have to trust God to take care of those memories. :)

There were all the same kids this year as there had been last year, which is actually a great thing because that means none of them had to go back to their previous living environments but have been able to truly settle in and feel secure in their time at the home. The kids of course are still, and will forever be dealing with what they have gone through, several of the kids would ask our youth where our parents were, if we still lived with them, and then would ask where theirs were. Heartbreaking of course, but I love that God has provided Grace Children’s Home and the Palau’s in which these kids will be able to see what true love is, real mercy, and what genuine compassion for others means.

We were able to attend the midweek service offered by Calvary Chapel and our group really enjoyed it. It was bilingual which of course made it quite nice for us. But was also a great experience seeing a church figure out how to serve a larger part of their congregation, which seemed to be quite a task for the pastor. He would start to get all revved up, but then have to interrupt his flow every couple of sentences to have it translated. But luckily his translator happened to be as animated and excited as the pastor, so it was enjoyable for everyone to watch. I personally really enjoyed the worship. That part was only in Spanish, but it was amazing hearing God be praised in another language, and I truly just enjoyed listening rather than worrying about how I was sounding or if I was getting the words right. We were also able to attend the Thurs. night Bible study that Stacey and George put on for their neighborhood. We helped watched the kids, and were just there was a support, but I loved the fact that our kids were ready to help out in the evening even though they had just spent the day running around after the kids. Our youth group truly is an amazing bunch of kids, and I love them! :)

Each day was filled with kid time, playing, crafts, bike riding, fence fixing, dirt spreading, piggy back riding, jungle gym climbing, dressing up, cleaning up, picking up (both items and children), and just a great sense of connection and unity. Our group also got to go to the beach each afternoon after we left the children’s home and just enjoyed playing in the waves for about 45 minutes each day. We did also get a beach day with the kids, and luckily this year, everyone wore their sunscreen so we had no serious sunburn issues. Then on Friday after we said goodbye to the kids, our group headed down to the Rosarito marketplace and did some bargaining and bought various items. We then enjoyed dinner at one of the local (and safe) restaurants, and enjoyed truly fresh and delicious Mexican cuisine, and it was hot! Hot! Hot! Definitely local salsa, none of the wimpy Americanized stuff. :)

And of course, much praise and kudos must go to Jeff who drove the 15-passenger van all around Mexico without one problem! There were at times some white knuckles on the steering wheel, but he did a great job, and even pulled a couple of moves that earned him cheers from our youth. They told him he was truly driving like he lived in Mexico, but then we realized, he was really just driving like a Californian. :) So three cheers for Jeff and his great driving skills!

Saturday we headed to the border, and the last two years it has taken us 3 hours each time to cross back into California, but this year…1 hour!!!! We were so happy, and as everyone had their passport, we crossed the border with no problems whatsoever. We arrived home safely Saturday night at about 7:30pm
We had an amazing time, and everyone was safe, no one got sick, and I think kids, both Mexican and American were blessed. I also think that our kids were able to stop for at least 5 days of their lives and just completely focus on people other than their immediate peer group or themselves. Which is something I think everyone needs to do, teenager or not. There was definitely thoughtful reflection at the end of each day about what they were doing and whom they were truly doing it for. I think Jeff’s lesson really wrapped up the week nicely as he talked about the unity of the church. We are all given gifts by God, and used in unity with other believers; we become functioning and fruitful members of the greater body of Christ and the church. Our kids did that; they were able to use their gifts in unity with each other in order to accomplish our mission and goal for ministry.

Gratitude List

1. My incredible and wonderful family who are always supportive and loving and wise
2. My husband who is always willing to make me quesadillas, go along with my crazy ideas, lets me be me, who has the same twisted sense of humor, the guy I want with me at all times so that when someone makes me think of one of our private jokes, he is there to laugh with me.
3. My insanely great friends, some whom I have had for 16 years, some much less but it feels like a lifetime. Ones I can always run to when I need them, ones that make me laugh every time, ones that can get to me like no one else can, ones who understand even my darkest side because they struggle with it too.
4. My three furbabies who are always good for a snug, are so soft, very entertaining, and I love to bury my face in their bellies and just cuddle
5. My home that, while I do not love cleaning it, I love coming home to it
6. Walks on warm summer evenings
7. The fact that no matter how human I am, God still loves me and extends grace
8. My church - it is different, and can be immensely frustrating, but they are genuine in their desire to draw others closer to God, dedicated in their pursuit for honest and nonmanipulative teachings of who God is and what we are to do with that knowledge, and the ability one can have to be totally honest about the shadow self without fear of hypocrisy, but knowing everyone in the church has been there and won't pretend they haven't.
9. My ability to use my knowledge in the field of addiction to hopefully help others struggling
10. My Pilota (my car, I love that thing!)
11. my ability after so much time in pain and barely being able to stand, I am now able to run 5 times a week and even do weights without my joints failing me. Thank you accupuncture and Camille Vardy!
12. Dr. Karen Purcell - no success yet, but lots of kindness, and professionalism, and desire for to us be successful.
13. Reading a really great historical fiction novel
14. My own recovery and the ups and downs, and everything I have learned about God and myself
15. The fact that even though I don't really like the actual city, Livermore still holds a level of comfort for me because of those still living there.
16. Camping!
17. My little goddaughter Scarlett. Holding her makes everything okay again
18. My delicious bed and its down comforter from Switzerland.
19. The fact that the forest and the ocean are only 8 minutes away from me
20. Starbucks. Nuff said. :)
21. Amazing memories - I don't want those to ever go away, wonder how I can work that out
22. Despite my issues with it - the foundation that my old church and youth leader gave me that have propelled me to where I am today in my faith and ministry
23. My weekly dinners with Sara/Kevin and Jenny/Josh
24. My relationships with the kids in my youth group - they can be infuriating at times, but I love those kids
25. Anything that makes me laugh more than just a giggle - who doesn't love a really good laugh?

An Image

I have this image in my head, it is a water balloon almost full of water, too full. And it is sitting under a faucet as one drip at a time falls into the balloon. I can even hear it...drip, drip, drip. The balloon is stretching and getting bigger, beyond what you would think it could, but it continues to expand. At what point will it finally reach its capacity and explode? Which drip will push it to the breaking point? And what will happen once it does? And who gets to clean up the mess when it happens?

Dixie Chicks So Hard

It felt like a given

Something a woman’s born to do

A natural ambition

To see a reflection of me and you

And I’d feel so guilty

If that was a gift I couldn’t give

And could you be happy

If life wasn’t how we pictured it

And sometimes I just want to wait it out

To prove everybody wrong

And I need your help to move on

‘Cause you know it’s so hard

It’s so hard

It’s so hard when it doesn’t come easy

It’s so hard when it doesn’t come fast

It’s so hard when it doesn’t come easy

So hard

Quien Sabe

As I am gearing up this final week before I go to Mexico with my youth group on our mission trip, it of course brings me back to all of my memories of mission trips of the past. When I think about those that I had gone on when I was in highschool, I realized they are my absolute favoritist memories of my life so far. They were filled with amazing amounts of fun, and just bonding with friends, late night shenanigans, a couple of embarrassing behaviors, and most importantly of course was seeing what God did every single time we were there. I still remember the, for lack of a better word, miracles that we saw happen when supplies that were gone simply appeared, when we forgot newspaper (and for paper mache it is a must) and no one in Mexico gets a newspaper, but lo and behold a neighbor had a bag full of them. And the stories go on and on. There was of course drama - relationship and otherwise, but with a group as big as ours was, that was inevitable. I remember being one of the youth who wished the adults would just loosen up and not worry so much...little did I know I would become one of "those" The last two years I have returned from our mission trips, I believe I have sent an email to Chris Thielen saying thank you, and I am sorry for everything I ever did on those trips!

Because I loved them so much and saw God do so much, it makes me wonder and hope that my kids are now getting the chance for the same good memories. We are such a small group - this year we have only 6 kids, and 5 adults going (quite a ratio!). This works both for and against us, for us because there is basically no drama and certainly no pairing off (although those do work out occasionally ;) but it is hard because when we have one kid who doesn't feel like doing anything or doesn't want to be there anymore, that is a rather large percentage of our group! Much less if a couple of them decide to strike. Our kids are wonderful, don't get me wrong, I love them as if they were my own teens, but teens are teens and sometimes they are grumpy - heck us adults are grumpy sometimes too. Hard to believe, but it's true. So in all the worrying about timing, motivating, organizing, supporting, etc. I sometimes forget to make sure the kids are just having a great time serving, and are learning something about God and about themselves. Not that I really know how to make those a focus more so than we already try. As a group we play a mean game of Apples to Apples, ImagineIf, and Bible Scatagories, and we of course always have a time of Bible Study and reflection, but I guess what I am trying to get at is...am I doing enough to make these trips memories that will last for a lifetime? Will they be able to look back and just have their hearts fill with joy when they remember them as I do now looking back on mine? Because I do love these kids, I don't want to fail them in this.

What's that you say? Trust God? Okay, I think I will. :)