I have of late been struggling with the idea of ineffectuality and my lack of ability to hold the hand of and provide step by step help for my youth group. This idea and struggle is not new, not only to me, but also to I believe most people who serve in any type of ministry. However, it is the most current struggle for me as several of my youth are struggling with simply living their day to day life. I would love to take a sweeping look at the group as a whole and just say, "overall I think everything is going good, they will be fine, they are doing just fine" but that would be to foolishly ignore each of them as individuals.
There is my iceberg - she reveals only the tiniest bit of herself to me and the world as a whole, but underneath the surface there is much of herself that she works very hard to hide. She talks about some of the struggles she is going through and some of her secrets, but I know that for each thing she shares there are ten more she doesn't and those are what are going to eat away at her from the inside out. I want to take that pain and that struggle away from her, I want to help her ease that burden that she carries, but I can only help her as much as she lets me. I love her sense of humor and the wisdom beyond her age that she doesn't even know she has.
There is one who on the outside appears to not really have all that much going on in her life outside of school and sports, but when you dig just a little, the sheer amount of stress, anxiety and pressure to perform perfectly to the point of complete and total exhaustion are right there under the surface. She is struggling to try and find herself in this world but can't because she has so many other people telling her who she should be, not to even figure out who she wants to be. I want to just take her out and give her a moment without that stress, without having to perform, but how can I when to spend a few hours with her would only put her more behind in her work and add more stress to her life? I love her randomness and her adaptability.
The one who is beginning to learn what it is really like to be an adult in this funky world. That being an adult actually sucks sometimes when there isn't enough money, not enough hours to work enough to make enough, that being 18 doesn't mean that there is an instant understanding of how the world works, that wisdom is something that (hopefully) comes with age. There is something bigger for her out there, and I desperately hope that life doesn't bog her down and exhaust her before she finds it. I love her energy, faith, and positive outlook on life no matter what happens.
And my last girl, off on her own, completely at the mercy of the outside world, its pressures, its temptations, its pitfalls, and of course all of its possibilities as well. I miss her, and am scared for her, not because of who she is, I love who she is, but because I know this world can be a scary place, and I wish I could protect her from any unnecessary pain or struggle in her faith. But what is so great, and one of the things I love about her is that she would see the challenge life is presenting and absolutely rise to meet it, I just want her to know she doesn't have to do it on her own, that she is not alone, that she not only has me of course, but bigger and better than that, she has God to get her through all of it. I love her questioning nature, her compassion, and her desire to do what is right.
And then there are the boys, ah...the boys. Our boys are special as most boys are, and since I do not meet with them one on one, I have less of a glimpse into their thoughts and struggles, but I know that they have them of course. Learning how to be a man of God in this faithless world with its decaying values is enough of a struggle, never mind the added frustration of just figuring out who they are in life in general. I always hope that they will learn to see what God values and take on those values and can go into the world and become the men that we all want to see the girls we love in our lives, fall in love with and be worthy of.
As one speaker that I still hold in very high regard said...our girls need to be Queens and our boys, Kings. I want to have Queens and Kings in my youth group, and I know that no matter what I do, it all comes down to whatever God is going to do in their lives. It can be frustrating feeling that sense of helplessness and that I am not doing enough, but of course knowing that God is ultimately in control also gives me the greatest freedom. I become free to simply enjoy their presence in my life, doing what I can, and knowing that I am not in charge of their futures, but am grateful that God allows me to be a part of their present. I cannot express the amount of joy I get from this group, they keep me laughing, they keep me young, and of course, they keep me praying...I owe them at least that much.
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2 comments:
Well you definitely have a mcQUEEN as a friend, in fact you have two of them ;-). I'm glad you're finally getting a breather from all that training! So just how many coffee shops in Scotts Valley are there?
And I am VERY glad I have my two McQueens! There are 7 coffee shops, three of them are starbucks.
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