When does it start to get easier? Just a question I have been asking myself lately. Especially since I have had some stuff trigger some old behaviors and thoughts in my own recovery. I start to go down a road that I know will be trouble, but I do it anyway. And then I realize what I am doing, and am shocked that I could be so easily pulled back to my basest of self. I should be past all this, I should be further in my recovery than to fall for such an easy lie that my own issues bring forward. But that's just it isn't it? No matter how far we go in our own recovery, our own health, or our own faith, because we are so very human, we can fall back to our shadow selves so quickly, and get so sucked in; even when you know it every step of the way, you still fight the good and enjoy getting taken in by the shadow.
As I work through my own recovery and issues of control, and obssessing and fixating, and all that "good" stuff that goes with it, I realize more and more that a relapse is always just one breath away, that the frailty of humaness is always waiting for a moment when it can suck me in. Understanding this concept of just how base, how shadowed I still am, makes the freedom that comes from giving it all to my Higher Power and receiving grace that much more sweet.
So when will it get easier? My guess? Never, so I better keep busting my butt and working on my stuff and giving it all over so that my shadow side doesn't win, or even begin to trick me into thinking it is no longer there. Just things I have been thinking about...
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4 comments:
I don't think it gets easier until we are about 60, I figure it's perfect... Hopefully retired and maybe some grandkids to play with... I like reading what you think ;-)
Love you- enough said. ; )
when I see how easily my "shadow" can creep in again and again, and I realize that I too am but a breath away from my old self taking over.....I think of two things.....God knows who I really am on the inside, He knows how easily I fall, but still has His amazing love remind me each time that He is there. He IS my strong tower, my fortress when I'm weak, beautiful and MIGHTY. And that kind of love is worth holding on to through all the struggles.
The other thing I think about is the song from Avalon, "I don't want to go somewhere if I know that You're not there, cause I know the me without you is a lie"
I love you my Kiddo Ditto. It's a fallen world but Heaven waits!!!!!
i don't think it ever gets easier, i think we just grow more equipped to deal with things... maybe we make the same mistakes we used to, but we realize them sooner. that's my hope, anyway.
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