Songs

So when I am driving and listening to my MP3 player, when certain songs come up on the playlist, some of them can immediately take me back to a time/place/person/memory all in an instant. I thought while I was thinking of it, I would make a little list of songs that have important imprints in my life.

1. Always be my Baby - Mariah Carey
2. Always - Bon Jovi
3. No Place that Far - Sara Evans
4. I'm Alright - JoDee Messina
5. It's Your Love - Faith Hill and Tim McGraw
6. Come What May - Moulin Rouge
7. Time of Your Life - Green Day
8. Crash - Dave Matthews Band
9. Cowboy Take Me Away - Dixie Chicks
10. Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
11. Criminal - Fiona Apple
12. Any Indigo Girls song
13. Lightening Crashes - Live
14. Friends - Michael W Smith
15. Breakfast at Tiffanys - Deep Blue Something
16. Knocking on Heaven's Door - Guns and Roses
17. Last Kiss - Pearl Jam
18. Creep - Stone Temple Pilots
19. Kissing You - Desiree
20. Fancy - Reba
21. Wide Open Spaces - Dixie Chicks

I think that's it for now, perhaps I shall think of more as I listen to my MP3 player. I also like the fact that there is more than one of these songs that bring to mind the same person/people/situations. That's the stuff life is made of.

When?

When does it start to get easier? Just a question I have been asking myself lately. Especially since I have had some stuff trigger some old behaviors and thoughts in my own recovery. I start to go down a road that I know will be trouble, but I do it anyway. And then I realize what I am doing, and am shocked that I could be so easily pulled back to my basest of self. I should be past all this, I should be further in my recovery than to fall for such an easy lie that my own issues bring forward. But that's just it isn't it? No matter how far we go in our own recovery, our own health, or our own faith, because we are so very human, we can fall back to our shadow selves so quickly, and get so sucked in; even when you know it every step of the way, you still fight the good and enjoy getting taken in by the shadow.

As I work through my own recovery and issues of control, and obssessing and fixating, and all that "good" stuff that goes with it, I realize more and more that a relapse is always just one breath away, that the frailty of humaness is always waiting for a moment when it can suck me in. Understanding this concept of just how base, how shadowed I still am, makes the freedom that comes from giving it all to my Higher Power and receiving grace that much more sweet.

So when will it get easier? My guess? Never, so I better keep busting my butt and working on my stuff and giving it all over so that my shadow side doesn't win, or even begin to trick me into thinking it is no longer there. Just things I have been thinking about...

Must share - I adore these

I love the LOL cats, but this one is my all time favorite, and I laugh hard every time I look at it, mostly because the cat in the corner is my cat Hercules.

How to be a 14 year old again

So, thanks to a friend's wedding this past weekend, I have discovered how to stay young forever. And as one of those friends has pointed out, we didn't even need the aid of alcohol to figure out these things, perhaps it would be less embarrassing were we completely wasted, cause then we would have an excuse, as it is, these are the ways you can be perpetually 14.

1. Not only notice the hot chick photographer in her white see through pants (she was very tan under there) but then bet with your friends as to whether she is wearing any panties. Awesome fun, and my husband amazingly was the one who figured out that she in fact was wearing a thong. How? I have no idea, because a couple of times her little butt was in my face and I couldn't see it. But leave it to a boy.

2. When said photographer leaves her flash dimmer thing that looks like a silicon boob on your table, pretend to shove it into your dress to cover your boobs like a bra - even better to do when she is standing right behind you. They love it, don't let them tell you otherwise.

3. Completely destroy everything on your table - ie ripping the petals off of the roses that were so beautiful you could cry at the beginning of the night. Place said petals into either the open flame candle, or first extinguish the candle and then dip the roses into the wax. then throw the wax at people at your table. But the best is to throw a handful of petals at someone and shout "Huzzah!!" it really makes the moment special.

4. Make the dirtiest, most suggestive "honeymoon" CD you have ever heard, and then listen to it with your group of friends, commenting on all the fun parts in the song, because let's face it, dirty songs are still fun...and funny.

5. Pose for pictures on various playground equipment - swings, monkey bars, anything goes.

6. Find it infinitely amusing that at certain angles of the table, it looks like you are not wearing any clothing at all - then take pictures proving this fact, and then even better, be very proud of this and make sure everyone knows you were "naked"

7. Laugh at all 420, 69, poop and sex jokes that you are able to come up with. Really, when is this stuff supposed to not be funny anymore? I know it isn't when you have kids - cause I have some friends that shall remain nameless that still find these things amusing. You know who you are.

8. Feel like you have to apologize to those you are with when you want to write a sincere note of congratulations and happiness to those you are there celebrating for/with. Having to declare things to be "serious" and "for real"

9. Find it endlessly amusing that two boys are sharing a double bed and engaging in "pillow talk"- then have a picture sneak attack of this situation

10. Drinking Milkshakes - drinking them all up.

Feel free to use these things in your daily life to feel perpetually young! They work for me!

Whirlie, Swirlie, Twirlie

Okay, so I thought I would give this blogging thing a whirl. I don't know that I have all that much to actually blog about as I have no kids to keep people posted on, but I thought perhaps I might root around in my subconscious for something to post. We shall see what direction this thing takes.